humor

There’s Something About The Plastic!

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Cat

My Cat in a rare moment not licking plastic

There’s Something About The Plastic!

“There’s something about the plastic!” is a hilarious phrase around our house these days.  And I think there’s an interesting business lesson to it as well.   Let me tell you why.

I have a cat.  I like cats.  My cat likes plastic.  I like plastic too.  But not like my cat.  My cat would lick plastic all day long if you let him.  Plastic bags, plastic wrappers, plastic sheet protectors, empty plastic zip lock bags ( his fav) or pretty much anything plastic including the Tupperware kind of stuff.   I have no idea why.

My son’s friend Jamie heard me incredulously exclaim (after seeing the cat lick a zip lock bag for an hour) how crazy it is that the darn cat licks plastic all day long and Jamie shouted “That’s what all cats do!!” He said it with the obvious tone that he knew the answer as to why they do.   I leaned forward and could not wait for the answer – I needed to know!.  And then Jamie said…. “There’s something about the plastic!”  

That was it.  He had no idea why either.   And that’s why we all collapsed on the floor laughing and why the phrase now is spoken, texted and emailed randomly among us for last 6 weeks especially when someone texts or says something worthy (unworthy)..   “There’s something about the plastic!” is the label we put on something said that brings absolutely nothing new, interesting or valuable to the conversation. 

There’s a bit of that that goes on at work too eh?   Here are 6 of my favorite phrases (often shouted out ( like Jamie did)) that mean nothing or are just plain let downs.  I have been guilty of a few of these myself for sure.   Please feel free to add yours in the comments section!

  • “We tried that a few years ago, it worked great.”  [And why is it not still here? Usually heard in a brainstorm meeting]
  • “Just gotta get people to offer it more. ” [usually in a sales meeting- we all know it’s more complicated than that]
  • “There’s a right way and a wrong way to do this” [usually followed by silence.  Thanks cpt Obvious.]
  • “We need better leads” [ I’ve been on all sides – selling to feed my family, sales management & training and I can say never in my 25 years have I seen where that is true – it’s how you work the leads ( or better, make your own) that matters ]
  • “People need to be retrained” [OK –so this hits home today in my role but seriously- it’s a rare day that folks need “retraining” – what they really need is” re-selling” of the content by a leader or  “re-coaching” or “re – holding people accountableness-ness”
  • “We have to prioritize this with everything else.”  [Guilty am I here at times on this but think about how often we really hear it. And how “future tense” it is. Worthless.    And usually it never does get prioritized because that means something needs to be “de prioritized” and that is courage not enough of us have in excess.  ]

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

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I Am Joe’s Goals

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moleskin black

I Am Joe’s Goals

It’s my favorite time of year!  I miss Joe.  It’s been a while.

This year is gonna be a great one I can tell.  A Moleskin notebook baby, it’s Moleskin!   Joe actually went to Barnes & Noble (like really walked in a brick and mortar store) and purchased this here fancy schmancy,  jet black paper journal to write me down in.  

There I am all smilin’ and stuff – that’s me right here on the first page ready to go!

                                                                      “My Goals 2014”

Here we go!

Um.  He stepped away for a minute I guess…

While I got ya – let me tell you about last couple of years – what a ride!  Last year I was on his IPad.  That was pretty awesome slipping and sliding all over the place getting blown up and then minimized like a 5 times a day (at least in the beginning).  But by February zoom!; he’d swipe my butt every time he’d see me and I’d go screeching off to my right like at 100 mph into darkness again, again and again.    After a while I was buried in a sea of other Apps.  Not fun.  I was not front and center like this Moleskin journal.  This book is all for me baby, nobody but me.

The year before the IPad thing I was on some yellow legal paper he bought and that was cool. But I got confused when he started carrying me around to meetings.  At first I thought it was good cuz’ it seemed like he was looking at me a lot (like he should) but then he started like writing loads of stupid meeting notes under me ( that he never looked at again mind you) and then started writing numbers down just below our 5 goals for the year that had nothing to do with the goals!  The last thing I remember was he drew this flower thing right through our goals that became a dragon that became a wizard with a dog or something and then I heard this massive tearing sound and I just blacked out and started tumbling and tumbling and then…but here he comes… that’s a story for another day….

OK here we go…he’s starting to write me down for 2014! 

“Be a better father”

“Earn more money”

“Lose 25 pounds”

Oh poo.  What the heck are those?

Joe!  Joe! Joe!  Will you never learn?   My Goal friends at Club Dead (It’s where Goals go to die) tell me the great stories about the Goals that don’t come back starving and looking for some late year bloomers to pick them up in February.  They say they hang on because their original owners because they write down “why” they want to be a better father, why they want make more money and why they want to lose weight in great detail!  AND that you have to write out the real steps and timelines you want to achieve to reach each of these goals.  AND that you have to look at these every day, set a target to achieve something each day towards each of these goals and mark your progress.  

I’m guessing Joe; if you don’t do these things the same results are going to happen to us which has been for the last few years at least, mostly “nada” for our goals. There is so much room here in the journal; you’ve got to take the time to do it!

Shoot, he just closed that cover on me.  I hope he heard me.  I like the promise of this journal but if he doesn’t get better at writing me out – I’m heading back to Club Dead.  Again.    

 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

 

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Plan Ahead (and Behind)

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Plan Ahead ( and Behind) 

It’s always a risk to see my mug on video first thing in the morning – but here are two short ones to jump start your day with messages about planning.

The first one can help you like, today.. 

This next one can help you like, forever…

 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

 

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2 Videos, 3 Minutes and Grow The Business

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Two very short videos today.  One about doing something way better than the phrase “How I can help you?” and the other about the power of not always having the answer!  Take the 3 minutes and apply right away.  Business growth ahead! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1DzhDx3ktA 

 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

 

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Simple Remote Love

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neon clock

I have a ManCave.   Yep, I do.

It has cool signage like “Eat Bacon”, “Hydrate with Beer” and has an awesome neon clock.   It also has a classic table hockey game, a framed Jaws movie poster, a nice TV and of course, the DVD Tommy Boy (the Holy Schnieke edition). 

But what I love most about the ManCave is the TV remote control.   It’s so… simple.

I don’t have a sound system like surround sound or a sound bar in the man cave.  I have just the TV/ Cable and as such, just the one remote.

What a joy to sit back thinking of bacon and barley and when I want to turn the volume up or down—I just use the remote.  The one remote.  The simple lonely silver remote that turns on the TV, the cable, changes the stations and controls the volume.

Remote controls are by their origin, the birthplace of simple 40 years ago but as you all know, they have become anything but that (don’t tell me about the “universal remotes” out there—I’ve tried those—they don’t do it all no matter what you say).

Upstairs it takes no less than 4 remotes (TV/Cable, Sound, DVD & the TV Standard (to change Input)) to manage wasting hours and hours of your life you will never get back (upstairs is where stuff like “Bridezillas” and “Sex in the City” reruns play). 

Last night in the ManCave during the Red Sox game (Go Sox!) I turned to my wife (she is permitted into the Cave with advance notice) during a commercial break and said “Don’t you love that you only have to use one remote to do everything here?”  She about jumped off the couch and said “Like you would not believe!” She continued with “It’s so simple..I love simple..”

And that’s the lesson today.   In an effort to simplify we often create confusion, frustration and stress.  It’s great to have social media sites simple to use to keep us connected but to have like 11 of them where you need a bloody presence to get through your work or personal life day is maddening.  It’s great to have smart phones glued to your hands but the chargers, the connections, the storage, the email boxes and the updates are maddening.  It’s great to have a quadrillion websites with information, education and tutorials, testimonials, ratings, opinions and pontifications but figuring out which of these quadrillion you can trust is maddening. 

Every one of us I suspect longs for something simple that just plain “works” today.   Something you can find, something you can trust, something that is simple to use and something that doesn’t make you feel like there are 7 more things just like you I have to go check out or “I’m not doing it right”.    

If you can do for a business or consumer what my remote control in the ManCave does – you’ve got a winner. 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

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Funny Bus(y)ness

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Bumpus a.k.a. Snowball?

Bumpus a.k.a. Snowball?

Funny Bus(y)ness

It’s Friday and it has been a very busy week.  Time for something fun.  

Funny things happen when you’re really busy.   It’s true.   So here’s to this week’s funny moments (mine anyway), for they are precious levity in the crazy busy times.  Maybe a bit of levity for you too.

  • I so badly butchered the word “glorious” sending an email on my IPhone, that it autocorrected and sent as “halitosis” as in “Your daughter’s wedding must have been a halitosis day!”  The guy is only a valued partner of my company is all.
  • On Monday, there was a project kick – off meeting in the morning and then seriously, the first project meeting for that same project, was 5 hours later.
  • “Did Snowball go potty recently?” I asked my wife Tuesday night as I walked downstairs toward the back door.  Our dog’s name is Bumpus.  I don’t have, never had, and never will have an animal named Snowball or beach ball or butter ball.  And just look at him, makes no sense.
  • I watched “Bridezillas” by accident.  I don’t think I realized what was happening as I stared at theTV.    I’m feeling better now, thank you.  Though some things, once you see them, you cannot unsee them.
  • On a conference call with about 11 people Wednesday, a beep came on and the meeting owner actually said  “ I think someone else just joined the call, if you need to tell us who you are you can,  but we are gonna just keep going….’ 
  • Kellogg’s Raisin Bran for dinner Wednesday night.  Yes, it was awesome. 
  • In less than 2 hours Thursday my team created a 3 minute quality training video for hundreds of employees from concept, to design, to development, to production and delivery all with imagery, animation, voice over, and video because…..that’s what was needed. (Nothing funny here (except the timeline!) – (Shout out to simply the best L&D team in the history of the world!)

That’s my week (so far).  I think it would be awesome if you share some of your signs of a busy week – that would be fun today. 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

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4 Minutes with Little Miss Dangling Arms

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next window please

4 Minutes With Little Miss Dangling Arms

I  am not one of those people.  I write about great service, not bad service.  If I write about bad service it’s usually about how we the consumers aren’t as saintly as we like to believe we are.

But then Monday happened.  4 minutes of shock and awe(ful)

It was so bad it was almost funny.  It was actually funny.  Like out of a movie funny.

I’m not sure of the lesson here today.  Maybe it’s to say that even in a highly competitive market with technology alternatives ( and really, isnt that true for all of us? ) that service like this still exists or maybe it’s just to prove the old adage that you will indeed tell 10 people ( or um..a bit more if you have blog :)) if really bad service happens to you.  Not sure, but here goes.

Monday 11:41 am.

I had to go to this unnamed place.  You’re familiar with it I suspect.  It is a place where you can get a package to someone who needs it.  And boy,  was that ever true.   My 16 year son who lives with his Mom during the week 80 miles away, left his Galaxy S4 Smartphone on my kitchen counter Sunday as we were leaving.  For my son ( and for many of his ilk), that’s like leaving your severed limb in the wood chipper and knowing that in mere hours, certain death will ensue.  

“Hi, I need to make sure I get this package to my son tomorrow, I’m not sure the best way to do it.”

 “Where does it need to go?” she said.

 I gave her the town name. 

“Do you have the zip code?” she said.

“No, I’m sorry – I don’t remember it.”  I replied.

She stared at me.  Slight smile.  Arms relaxed by her side.  She stared at me some more. 

Awkward.  Really awkward I thought.  I concentrated and gave her a zip code that came to mind.  She typed it in.  “Nope,  that’s not it.” 

She stared at me.  Those arms dangling by her side.  Dangling by her side.

Finally I said “Do you want me to look it up?” I asked, as I reached for my IPhone.  I didn’t know what else to do.

She just smiled.

I googled it.  It took 2 sites and 5 clicks to finally get the zip code and I gave it to her.   And yes, as I googled it,  the shocking irony occurred to me.  I am standing in a place where the Zip Code must be King, where The Zip Code is probably an Ebook with a 5 part ethics pledge employees must swear to and where TV shows like 90210 run continuously in the break room.   And I can’t get a bloody zip code from anyone but me. 

And it wasn’t over. 

“Just fill the out the To and From addresses right here on this and it will be $16 dollars. ” she said.

“And when you are done with that,  Ann can help you.” she added. 

Ann?  Who’s Ann?  I thought.   I looked up from writing and then past Little Miss Dangling Arms and saw no one.

Before I could figure out who Ann was,  Ms. Arms slid forward a big plastic sign under my nose that said “Next Window Please”.

I looked left and saw who must have been Ann at that next window with 2 customers in her line. I returned my gaze to my now staff-less service desk and realized my 4 minute transaction would be much more than that as I was about to be getting back in line to Ann.

Heading back to my car after finally getting my son’s smartphone shipped off in an ice packed cooler, I realized the effort Little Miss Dangling Arms took to overtly not help me and make darn sure no one and nothing was getting in the way of her 11:45 am break.  Wow.

Now you know one of the all time lows in customer service.  Not sure how that helps but I think now I know why I wrote it –  I feel better having told um,  let’s call it 10 people. 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

 

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Tangibly Speaking

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Blue Sun

Tangibly Speaking

How timely. 

The Cool factor for this ad? A 10.  And psychologically smart too. 

Kudos to the Blue Sun.  

As it happens, later today I’m presenting six effective ways to teach and coach to selling products and services that are less tangible than others.  The audience is a group of motivated sales leaders.  One of those six ways was one I didn’t expect to see in seat 19B yesterday.

As my flight was descending into Minneapolis yesterday afternoon, I was forced to shut down (ok – hide) all electronics –so I picked up the Sky Magazine to read.  I flipped through the ads for the best plastic surgeon(s?) in the world and the many lunch dating services (I would definitely need the former before I could take advantage of the latter – and um..of course, er.. not be married.), but then I fell upon on page 58.  Oh Joy! 

Here it was!  An “in print” example of working around what many sales and service people face who try and create interest in, or sell, intangible products – It was a wonderful means to get people to actually just “try it”!

The TechnoMarine ad copy says “Lift here to experience Blue Sun on your wrist”.   And there gloriously lay, a perforated cut out you could lift out and place on your wrist.   

I know what the makers of Blue Sun are thinking- that it’s one thing to read about the watch and see nice pictures but to “see” the watch on your wrist? – now, that is something.

I know a “watch” is not intangible or abstract like my training focus later today but TechnoMarine knows that selling a watch in a magazine is for all intents and purposes an “abstract” timepiece trapped in a two dimensional pixilated prison.  And what I know about selling abstract products and services also applies here in that you have to often  “try it” or “experience it” before you make a decision or even move the sales process forward. 

Pretend you are selling a financial management dashboard or a social media business portal – you have to get your clients hands on the keyboard and immersed in her screen and that dashboard a bit first –like the ubiquitous test drive.  It’s akin to having that faux paper watch wrapped around your wrist to see how it fits. 

What I love about the watch ad is how quickly you can experience it. Boom!  Lift it and wrap it around your wrist.  Easy Peasy.  And there is a QR code on the back and you can learn more about it.  The Blue Sun ad is like the steroid version of the “scratch and sniff” print ads.- one swipe and you’ve got the experience – but in this case you can really wear it. 

The broader point is simple too.   “Try it” opportunities that allow you to test drive products – even when those products aren’t super abstract or intangible like a watch or a new car, (pardon the pun) are key.  They always were and they always are.   In the crazy world today where we have less and less time to get our prospects attention – it’s important especially when your product or service is not crystal clear immediately, to create those opportunities when a client can “wear” it.  

Keep creating those free trial apps, the Freemiums, the virtual realities and the test drives for abstract and intangible products and services.  And if you ever get a chance to put a perforated cut out of your product in an airline magazine – do that too. 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

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Stand Up! (or Fight)

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tall chair

Stand Up! (or Fight)

Years ago I nearly got into it with a colleague.   I was never a big one for fights but this one was close. 

I was paired up with a guy from my company we’ll call “Steve”.  We were at a Home Show and in our cool and very expensive company booth.  And we were selling.  And selling.  That’s how we made the business hum.  That’s also how I put food on the table.

“Steve” somehow corralled a tall chair and decided to sit down in the booth.  

Heresy.   Really it was.  Any sales pro worth his salt knows it’s a sin to sit in a trade show booth.  At least that is what I was taught. Call me old school but it’s a bad message to send all the customers and prospects walking through the show – that you’re lazy and maybe your company is too.  Your job is to be engaged in booth visitors, be passionate and proud of your product or service.  Sitting on your butt behind desk does none of that. 

 We got into it.  I kind of freaked out.  It didn’t come to blows and he eventually put the chair back where he got it.   I did make sure we never worked another shift together again anywhere.

Fast forward 18 years or so to last week.

I was walking through the mall with my wife.  It was packed.  Kiosks lining the center of the mall.  

I walked past 7 of them in a row.  Every single one was staffed by an oblivious, lazy, selfish and disturbingly care free employee sitting in a chair with face buried in their smart phones; most with ear buds in as well.  That’s the impression they gave.  And these folks in the Kiosks were no teens either. 

Not one was buried in their company email.  Every one as I circled was buried in Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram or some other time suck away from driving revenue out of their booths.   

If that was my Kiosk that I paid for on this Saturday in a packed mall and you worked for me and behaved like that –I’d fire you on the spot. 

Chairs are for the customers who might need a seat when you are explaining your product or they are filling out an application.  Chairs are for customers who need to break to rest their legs and their wallets as they consider investing in your service or product and putting money into your checking account to pay the rent.  Smart phones are for your pocket or your purse or to take a payment or read an email from your boss or to look up product specs. 

I’m not preaching trade show booths and Kiosks in mall owners or employees need to be carnival barkers and invade the paths of a passerby and scream “come on in and take a look!”  I’m saying what we know is true; stand up.  Smile.  Be engaged in those who show interest. Be engaged and proud of what you represent in public. 

Being engaged is attractive.   And that’s true in any setting.  At a trade show, in a retail store, in the field, on a phone, even in a meeting.

Sitting down and being physically selfish and mentally selfish by immersing in your time waster smart phones at work has the opposite effect on people who look at you.  “If you don’t care about your product and your company, why should I?”

 

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

 

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Seniors On Combines?

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farm equipment

I volunteered at the senior center last night for a bit.  I noticed there’s an old piece of farm equipment in the field behind the building.  Made me think about an experience regarding seniors some time ago.

A few years back I had a trainer in NJ who’d been in my organization for less than a year.  I finally had a chance to ask her about her background when I got down there to visit.    She shared she was from the south (Arkansas) and before she got into training she used to do photography.  She would travel all around the south taking pictures of seniors she said.   She’d pull them right off the combines, haul em’ into barns and take their pictures. She even added she brought clean clothes to dress them in sometimes.   I thought to myself…. why would anyone pull old people off dangerous farm equipment and dress them up to get their pictures?  I asked her nervously..  ” Did you put them all in a book or something?”  she said “Yes for sure they all went in the book that was the point”.

I almost asked if she had her photography book nearby but was a little unnerved so I nodded my head and changed the subject.  She was a great trainer from what everyone said but I admit I was a little worried after that about what she would do if she had older folks in her class. 

About a 6 months later I remembered her story and told my wife with all the disgust and concern I could muster reflecting on the way she treated the elderly.  My wife listened, pause and said “You are a moron, she was taking pictures of High School Seniors for their Senior Pictures!  And she had to haul em’ off the combine I bet because that’s what kids do in the South after school.”

Oh.  I felt silly.  ( still do actually).

But the point is ( other than to make you laugh to start your day perhaps – I sure did thinking about it again) is that for at least 6 months of my life – because I misheard or misunderstood something,  I thought this woman trainer was something maybe akin to the Buffalo Bill character in Silence of the Lambs.  For 6 months (and maybe for the rest of my life unless I’m careful)  – it made me think oddly about photographers – especially if they are from the south.  It made me think and worry about the elderly on farms and how vulnerable they are. 

Misunderstandings are usually small.  Sometimes they are big.  And sometimes they are way bigger than the one in which my poor trainer who forever when I see her,  I’ll think of her dragging old people through corn stalks and pig troughs to snap their photo like some Life Magazine photog.

But misunderstandings can also be powerfully damaging as you can tell.  It seems to me we need to watch using the phrase “It was just a misunderstanding”  — that “just” has got to go.   Take it from me, dig a little deeper.  If you are honest and in places you don’t talk about at parties- there are those things you learn in a meeting, or in book, or in a deep conversation with a loved one that blow your mind.  You realize you misunderstood.  You misunderstood for maybe months or even years.  You realize you misunderstood something that might be a lot less funny than me and my trainer in New Jersey.

I’m heading back to the senior center Sunday to help out a bit more; it’s a luncheon.  Heard they’ll be taking pictures for the paper.  Here’s to hoping that machine in the field doesn’t start up.

Till next time,

Grow The Business.

Mark

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